Online dating for women: a field guide, Part II

Wow! The response to Part I of this field guide was unexpected! It's clear from how popular Part I was that many people recognized these categories of men in their online dating experience. Just this week, Time magazine published an article mapping out the reasons why you should let someone else choose your Tinder photo, and the photos from Part I and this part of my Online Dating Field Guide for Women illustrate why!

In Part I, I broke down the first category - the macho men - and the seven subcategories within that first category. There are so many macho men! It was difficult to know where to stop. Like these fine fellows:

This looks like a great idea said no woman ever

Please note: multiple levels of badassery here. First, on the lower level, our suitor is mounted on his motorcycle. Next we see a firearm mounted on the wall below what appears to be a raven, definitely a scary bird according to Poe. Finally at the top level, we see what appears to be a large metal hook. Top it all off with that pleasingly badassed expression...This dude might take the prize for the most macho in one single shot. 

With Part II, I pick up with the other six categories of men on dating sites. So without further ado, here is the list!

Online Dating for Women: A Field Guide, Part II

Married Dudes: These dudes are married, whether they openly admit it, or just forgot to take their wedding ring off for their profile photo. These are some of the most dangerous men in the wild. Do Not Approach (unless you have absolutely zero sense of self worth and dignity).

Hey buddy, that bass is nice ... and so is your wedding ring.

Please note the stated occupation: gynecologist. Classy. Even spelled wrong.  

Yes, we're disgusted with you too.

What a cute couple!

I stole her heart (in 2015 according to the photo), so she stole his name. Think she still has it? 

Anonymous Dudes (who are likely married dudes): For whatever reason, these dudes do not want to be identified. The creative ways they disguise themselves is often downright creepy.

We are anonymous

No words...

Not really into hand puppets

Men who objectify themselves part I. "Interests are Mopar, NASCAR and sex." 

Men who objectify themselves part II. "Laid back easy going professional..." cough, cough

What in the actual fuck? I have no caption for this

Dudes who look like famous dudes: The resemblance is uncanny...

Who knew Donald Trump was on Tinder?

or Iggy Pop!

"I was an extra in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy."

Androgynous Dudes: These dudes make us say hmmm ...

Not only am I quite certain this person is not 37 years old, I question other things as well

This person has a very masculine name despite their outward appearance.

Again, very masculine name, and all of the Ohio State bling indicates manliness...but

Tune in next time for (hopefully) the final special edition of my Online Dating Field Guide for Women!

And remember: don't be that dude.

All names and occupations of subjects have been removed to protect their identity.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” ~ William Shakespeare

Ah, love! Finding it is a challenge; keeping it, even more so. It's been the subject of literature, music, and art for ages. It seems we spend our lives seeking it or trying to get over it.

Modern love is difficult. In an age where we are all "connected" via the Interwebs, it's only natural that online dating would sky rocket: a recent study by U.S. researchers in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says one third of married couples met online. And yet, despite all of this "connection," we don't seem connected in daily life. At this moment, I have 1,020 Facebook "friends," roughly 300 Twitter followers, and 270 connections on Instagram, but because I work from home, I spend most days alone in my house, not interacting with a soul except my daughter in real life.

Newly divorced after fourteen years of marriage, and living in a remote rural area, I decided to sign up for some online dating sites. After all, I met my former husband on match.com, and in 2001, we were pioneers in the online dating world!

It turns out, dating online in 2017 is vastly different.

Frustrated with the options presented in online dating, I joked that I was going to start a blog about the foils and follies of my post-divorce dating attempts. I posted my thoughts on social media. I received so many comments, "likes" and private messages about that post, that I have decided to do just that and create this blog.

So, here's a toast (with my Diet Coke) to the birth of a new blog - yay, just what the world needs.

I would be remiss if I didn't include the collection of profile pictures I have "swiped left" on, along with my fictional captions I imagine underneath the photo. And I will do that shortly.

But to start, here is a simple list of rules for online dating for men. If you are a single man contemplating signing up for the many online dating options, please refer to this simple checklist before doing so.

1. Don't look like Hannibal Lecter in your profile photo. Pretty simple. If you have doubts as to whether you resemble the human-flesh eating serial killer, it's probably best to just not sign up for a dating service.

2. Don't use a pixelated or dated photo.

3. You may be enticed by attempts to look sexy. Don't. Your attempt at making "fish lips" or a sexy face only makes you look like you have to poop.

4. Don't use a photo with 87 other people in it, because I can't tell which one you are.

5. Like #3, you may be tempted to post that half-naked selfie you snapped while flexing your bicep in the gym locker room. Again, don't.

Stay tuned for more from my #adventuresindating